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Tea with Bette D.
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Tea with Bette D.
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Monday Morning
Greetings, Salutations and a grand USofA welcome to Dallas Texas and the exciting Miss Gay USofA Pageant. This column is the place to find out about all of the behind the scenes fun that happens here in Big D. Just remember that this is all in fun and just innocent gossip.
As tradition dictates, all of these exciting forays begin with the little children from Springpatch. This year they have decided that the best name for them is the Hollywood Horrors. I just don’t know if that is the correct spelling for them. Let us let their actions speak for themselves. I know the boys were laid out by the pool quite early yesterday. It was a veritable buffet of teenaged beefsteak.
Paging Pat Besand to room 334. Dena needs to get all of her clothes taken in. Talk about the Atkins diet doing good. I just want to know what kind of wieners are on that diet. If Dena has given up the food, I think that Anjila R is trying to make up for it. She was last seen strutting across Mockingbird in high drag, at High Noon on final approach to Jack in the Box. I guess she was going through withdrawal and missing those fantastic Garden burgers she loves so much.
A special greeting goes out to Baija T. Seems that she has had an exciting trip to Dallas. She even took a unplanned but required detour on Friday night. Seems that she got to spend the night at the high security hotel. You go girl.
For those of you that are used to reading the exploits of Miss Carrianne Winters, this may be an interesting week. She seems to be rooming with a good Christian woman (of website fame). Now I do not know whether we will end up a pure CW or one really corrupted CF. Carrie F, if you can survive this week with your morality in check, you are one strong willed woman. However, if I were a betting woman, I think we will be reading all about Carrie’s wild ways by the end of the week.
Everyone’s favorite cup of java, Miss Kofi was caught holding court all night last night. Seems that she was entertaining everyone. Now I love me a good wake up cup of Kofi, but please a little later than 5:00 am tomorrow.
Happy Birthday wishes go out to Dragon Lady on this most auspicious of days. She has finally reached one of those milestones in life. We love you Dragon.
A special message to Red in Illinois, that crazy poster. Just wanted to let you know that your man has been quite busy and having fun. I guess he will be a new man by the time he gets home.
Reggie Reggie Reggie. You are certainly earning the title of Dallas Welcome Wagon Assoc. You certainly know how to make a girl feel …welcome. Paging Meister, Mr. Jagger Miester.
Now what would it be to write a Tea and not include Brian L. The only thing that has me confused is the fact that he still has his clothes on. I guess it is still early. There is plenty of time for her to be naughty. I am sure as soon as she has recovered from the long night driving, she will be back to her sinning ways
Now while cruising the internet, you will never guess what I found. Bunches of our beautiful USofA sista’s. There is this fantastic site that features the lovely Miss Silky, Miss Angel, and more. Seems that they are all fully functional and fun. Check out the Eros online. If you can’t wait, Dena and Kofi are now going into the business world as well. They have a 10” fully functional stuff for you. (combined of course)
Now this evening seemed to be a lesbian convention around the swimming hole. Seems that good old Victoria West was trying to put the moves on another girl that thought she was a boy. I just don’t get it. The boys will be boys and the girls will be, too
Special greetings go out to Cory the choreographer. Another of the confused girls out by the pool. When she wasn’t opening up pants to feel the fruits, she was going on about ripping off the nails, pulling out the weave and turning back into a boy. Seems she found a good looking new friend that is into black BOYS. You go girl errr boy.
Update on Miss Anjila. Seems she had that burger graving and went for a return trip to Jack in the Box land. However, she was not to succeed. She discovered the hard way, that if you do not drive, they do not let you use the drive through. And no, that Wonder Woman invisible jet story is not going to float.
Let us not forger poor Taylor, she has decided to join that gender confused club as well. She was seen scoping out the pool, with ponytail on. Inquiring minds are wondering, was that a weave, or did you just buy the ball cap that comes with the hair.
Now we move on to Mr. Lou. While trying to recover from the morning registration, our fearless leader decided he needed a massage. Not one to leave someone wanting, Juan was quick to fulfill this desire. From the stories circulating, it seems that the back was not the only place that he was taken care of. And Juan, are you applying for the job as the official Texas welcome wagon? We love you!
The only question left, was where was Miss Congeniality, Justice C. The evening was definitely missing her vivacious presence. Has San Diego mellowed you out, or are you just getting old.
Well, we all survived the first
day. And what a first day it was. So, until the sun rises on another hot and
muggy Dallas day, and the tea fairy delivers another cup under the door. I bid
you farewell and remind you to be good, play safe and remember I am always and
forever…
Yours,
Bette
Greetings, Salutations and a grand USofA welcome to Tuesday in Texas. As the weather warmed up, so did the energy level of everyone here. And I do not necessarily mean on stage. There is much to be said for a warm summers night on the veranda by the pool. Oh such the life of luxury.
As the sun is now rising on another exciting day of competition, it is time for that morning cup of Tea. Be careful, while the tea gets spilt, if you are not good you may get burned.
Where, oh where is an information specialist to begin. I guess the best place is with one of our stars from yesterday, Miss Cory the choreographer. As was predicted yesterday, the weave is gone, the nails kaput and Miss Cory is now the one and only, Mr. Cory the poolside stud. Now someone, who does not want their name yelled out so we'll just call him Josh, seemed to be getting rather friendly outside round about 4 am. Now we just have to wait to see how long it takes for Taylor to join the He Man Woman Haters Club as well.
Tay one of the Hollywood Horrors took a nice nap this afternoon. Seems Eli decided to crawl into bed with him. Now I don’t know what happened, but Tay was complaining that when he woke up his hole was bigger. They swear it was all innocent but considering their reputations, I would have to disagree.
Now since we have brought up the whole Eli incident, I think it is time to elaborate on his new lifestyle. Since the life of a backup dancer does not include many meals, Eli has had to rely on many vitamins and other nutritional supplements. I would hate to see the confusion created by a toxicology report on his bloodstream.
Meanwhile over on the lanai, it seems that our resident gay man trapped inside a woman’s body (talk about a strange diagnosis) Amber has been putting the moves on any available man with a tongue. Well, I don’t know if they still have tongues after those vicious fishous attacks she makes. If you have a contestant list, you may want to pull it out and use it as a scorecard.
If Amber had her way, she would probably go for the surgery, and get a wee wee, only so she can be a temporary queen while preparing to get the snip snip. If you cant keep up, I don’t blame you it’s a confusing little escapade.
Last year’s symbol of excellence wants it to be known that she is now a has been and doesn’t have to be a good girl. Now I am not one to spread rumors, and she flat out denies it, but I did see her taking cash from a beautiful young (Half Naked) boy in the back room of Bamboleo’s. She has made it clear that she does not work for the same company as the other working girls. Does that mean she is their competition.
If it isn’t bad enuff around the pool area, some of the boys have been known to make a side trip to Club Dallas. While there, be sure to check out the Indiana backup boy who is permanently bent over. Seems he has been there 3 nights already and the contest has just begun.
Now onto the fabulous voice of Angelique Ali. Everyone was able to hear her last night during talent, however it seems that when found poolside, her words are muffled as she startles a certain Julio on the "Sheraton Island".
From Kofi having court in her room, to Chevelle holding casino night poolside we can always count on our former national title holders to show the greatest of hospitality to our Dallas guests.
Tersa darling.... it's nice to see that you had a quick recovery from your afternoon illness. Not only were we blessed with your shining face during competition at the bar, but you also graced us with a friendly smile and plaid pants at the nightly concrete council meeting. Just one question, did you finally get a chance to shave before applying that evening mug?
Just a note, it was made very clear at registration that a state issued ID was required for entrance to the bar. Heaven knows we always have one who does not listen. It seems though that an alternative method has been found. All you need is your birth certificate, and an old high school yearbook with your picture in it. I never realized ID's were so difficult to acquire that people would have to go to such extremes to attend a national pageant. So much for planning ahead.
I regret to inform everyone that Miss Carrie Fairfield will not be able to enjoy this week as much as the rest of us due to her Aunt Flo coming to visit. Though she might be watching her sodium intake her roommate is taking care of her share of the white powder.
With that said it's quite a surprise to see CAW head off to bed so early when it's only Monday. Oh wait, it only changes days when you go to bed.... So I have gotten out my trusty calendar and accordingly I think it is still the weekend in Carriland. Sunday or is it still Saturday.
Now I am not one to gossip, especially when it involved one of my dear fellow information specialists, but (and that is a nice butt at that) Kevin has been looking awfully chummy with a few folks. It’s just that every time you turn around it’s a new face near Kevin.
Okay, now its time for school. And everyone loves those USofA math lessons. With our former teacher now on hiatus, the kids have been trying to figure it out on there own. When Joey and Derrick were looking for a tutor, there were lots of volunteers. Sade (not quite sure on the spelling) was on the top of the stack of applications, but also near the top were Amber and Flava. For the moment, 1 + 1 still equals 2. However, check out the classrooms located in the lower stairwell or the shower for there latest attempts at addition and multiplication.
Attention all pageant followers, contestant number 40 has filed for an official name change. Remove Joy Marnier from all lists and replace with Ghetto Marnier.
For those of you that are a little hungry, it is now official… the burger is out and the new Atkins approved food for USofA is Mexican style chicken. And this chicken is available at the poolside buffet. No need to run to Taco Bell.
If you are sitting around your room board and don’t know what to do. Ricky has decided he is the new hotel tour guide. He is organizing a grand tour of the hotel staircase. His first patron, Miss Kitty said she had a wonderful trip down all 10 flights of stairs the other morning. If you are interested, just listen for the notification siren. You should here it in your room about 5:30 am.
The contest has started off with a bang and everyone is having a grand time. The boys will be boys and the rest will be fun, so I will leave you with these parting words. be good, play safe and remember I am always and forever…
Yours,
Bette
Greetings, Salutations and a muggy Wednesday morning welcome to Tea with Bette D. I hope that everyone has been having an enjoyable time here in Big D. I know that some are having a more enjoyable time than others. Now its time to spill it.
Joey from Pennsylvania is feeling a little burnt up. He spent way too much time in the tanning bed and now he is looking for someone to rub aloe vera all over him. And when I say all over, I mean all over in all the right places.
My what a fabulous show we had last night during competition. No, not the one on the floor, I’m talking about Chip and his little escapade in the corner. Seems there is plenty to do to keep yourself entertained while at the bar.
Now my dear Kelexis, it seems as though you think I’ve not seen you and your gleemingly glittered face yet this week. I’ve not been neglecting you, I was just waiting for the right moment to recognize you. Here ya go girl.
I’m glad to report that our early morning group has grown. It seems we have added numerous members to our concrete council meeting. One of the newest recruits is our very own Justice. It was sure nice to see you join our party at the pool. Tell me gal, who was that adorable little blond you were being so chummy with. Remember, only the contestants vote for congeniality.
If anyone is curious about this particular blond boy recently joining us from Iowa, it seems that his name is Matthew. Seems his first personal welcome came from the one and only Amber. Tell me, who comes to a Gay pageant looking for the time of his life and starting with a fish. I do not know just what was going on, but Amber was caught on her knees with him in the bathroom.
Now onto our beloved Virginia. As we’ve all learned this week, boys will be boys, and so will the girls. It seems that now, we must add girls will do girls. Tell me, just how is it chasing someone who’s chasing you? The only thing that remains is for you and Darrell to actually make the hook-up.
It seems that our Missouri friends decided to stay in last night and behave. Well, sources say that they were on their best behavior for four hours straight. I guess 1 + 1 will always and forever equal 2.
Tina Coquina, it was very pleasant getting the chance to chat with you last evening by the pool. You seem to have acquired quite a nice piece of arm candy. Careful though girl, it has been reported that his alias is the serial kisser.
Remember the Alamo! Well, I may not actually remember the Alamo, but I sure won’t forget my new found friends all the way from San Antonio. They play one great game of hide and seek. Only problem is they don’t take on any additional players. The rules are simple… get rid of Joey.
Now time for an update. Taylor gracefully joined the ranks of the club yesterday. I’m still just curious to see if all that was required was removing that ball cap. Anjila as well has now joined the boy force, only I think she was a little confused. The boy force, does not mean you must force a boy back to your room to help you become a bull dyke.
Pleasura, how nice of you to join us this week. I’m happy that you’ve found a new husband. I guess this one is the kind you can have. Anybody wishing to get her a wedding gift can address it to Mr. and Mrs. Head. At least she is a safety girl and always keeps it under wrap.
Poor Kalani has been having troubles this week adapting to a new hotel. Seems he hasn’t been having much luck wandering the halls, so he has reverted to the good ole internet.
CAW, I noticed you had your sunglasses on last night on the veranda. Is it not shady enough around here for you at 4 am. I’m sure there’s plenty of darkness in the penthouse somewhere around the couch.
Now, if you want to succeed in the backup dancing business, I guess it pays to sleep your way to the top. Aurora has started with Anastacia’s backup dancer, conquered that and has moved on up to the boss, Miss Anastacia. You go girl, keep going higher and higher up the food chain.
Now, the latest updates include something about math lessons starting up this morning. I guess that some one is getting lucky with Joey and Dereck.
This is as good a time as any to bring up the lucky Flava. Seems she did a little entertaining in the shower this afternoon. I hope they scrubbed all the right parts.
Poor Chris is feeling a little insecure. He thinks that all he can attract are a few, ok a lot of teeny boppers. Someone help him out and stroke his…Ego.
How bout those lovely formers all week. They have been busy performing at Bamboleo’s and still have time for the late show at Albertson’s. And they do look great. Now, for further details we will bring you to a Tea with Bette D. first. The stars of the show were none other than Miss Tommie and Kelexis. That is right, after all these years, I have finally been able to put my goddess/mentor’s name in print. I must say she looked quite lovely in power suit walking the aisles, while KeliKat looked like the glitter fairy had exploded.
For those of you that were looking forward to the Ricky tour of the hotel, he did not do his duties last night. Seems that instead of coming home, he spent the night at Baboleo’s. Well at least until well past the scheduled tour time. Now, before people’s minds run wild. There was no sex involved, just his good friend Jose Cuervo.
Just a public service announcement, I know that the dancers can be quite young, but please do not let your dancers leave their pampers in the pool. Cliffy is not here this week. Thank you.
Natedog would like to report that if you get hungry a tuna fish sandwich will always hit the spot.
I did have a wonderful time sharing a small bathroom with Carrie F. Now I must point out that in addition to the two of us who were there to use the facilities, there was strange goings on in the stall with two unidentified new friends. The look on Carrie’s face was priceless.
Well, the pot is dry and the sun is up,, so till tomorrow and that day of rest. Be good, Play safe, and remember I am always and forever….
Yours,
Bette
Greetings, Salutations and grand USofA welcome to the final night of Miss Gay USofA 2004. the weather has been good and the children even better. We all know just how good the kiddies have been.
To start things off in this the final tea for a while, we bring you a Kalani update! It appears someone fell asleep at the computer after having taken his trade to the Big Yellow Truck for a tour. Looks like things are shaping up for Earl. On a sadder note, Mama Kalani is not doing so well. It seems she and the guacamole have been battling it out. I guess we know who’s winning.
Now we seem to have someone who has been in the same clothes all week. I guess when Critiqa says she only gets naked when someone else takes the clothes off for her she means it.
If we have anyone left who is wanting to join our council let me make one thing clear. Our meetings are held every night after competition. Apparently some of our charter Missouri members were a little confused and went poolside waiting for the meeting to adjourn. When no one else came, they drifted asleep and woke up a little red all over, and not from embarrassment. Now it seems it takes everything they’ve got just to roll out of bed.
It seems our reigning symbol of excellence has been quite the good girl this week. Every night she can be found cooking, cleaning, and putting her husband to bed on her knees. I have to wonder though, where is Sexy Rican boy during all of this? Of course while still at the club Ms. Lord was seen in the lap of a friendly gentleman. When asked what she was doing she replied “I wasn’t getting my salad tossed, that’s a gay thing. I have a vagina.” Who knew!
Apparently we left somebody out from our star’s show last evening. Our longest running promoter, Lisa Dazey, had apparently agreed to do a number in some red white and blue pasties, I guess no one found her a pharmacist.
It appears Kelexis took it upon herself to start remodeling Bomboleos. She decided to start with the table in the back dressing room.
The Tampa hurricane, err blizzard, has now moved to Dallas. Apparently the storm actually started early in the afternoon, only there was a new man in charge. I guess now we need to page Daniels, paging Jack Daniels. Not to fret, Tilly will never be without as long as she has her cellular phone.
Those of you thinking of visiting the 90’s, here’s a little heads up. Rum makes some people fight. Thank heavens it didn’t happen here.
Now, I’m sad to report that the tours by Ricky offered earlier in the week were never actually available. It seems a certain Pennsylvania pageant person has been staying out extra late the past few nights. Let’s just all be happy the party ended at a decent hour last night.
Attention!!! We have a lost and found item from the stars show. It seems that on the way to the car, one of our esteemed formers misplaced an item, one semi-used taupe Capezio character shoe. To reclaim, all you have to do is tell us which foot it goes on.
Just to make sure that everyone know, Ricky our dear friend from the dressing room has certainly been the night owl of late. I guess he is coming home way after the cows come home.
We all remember Baija and her mission for trade. I guess last night was her lucky night. Eli took her to the Village Station, but when it was time to go, he was alone. Seems she made a new friend while rooming the village.
I guess that everyone enjoyed last night, some more than others. Next to the pool, it seems that Dereck and Joey were quite friendly last night. I must say I do not think I have seen a cuter or more in love couple in a long time. All that and they are only 12 years old.
It was great seeing Miss Oklahoma Classic out tonight. I just want to know where the naked Volkswagen is. Please return the ear bobbles to the hood.
I have to say that the Bamboleo’s crew have been fantastic. They have gone out of their way to do what they can to make this week a success. Make sure that the next time you are in Dallas, you check them out.
Now I must say a special howdy doody do to the new kids in the hotel. Sara and Shane have hit the town like a storm. Let’s all make the straight kids feel welcome. Now he may look like ruff trade, but if you even think about laying a finger on him, his Aunt will have to pull out a size 12 wedgie and get real butch. Now the other straight boy among them, Jamie seems to be a little smitten with his new old friend Alicia. Lilly, remember he’s still family.
Speaking of getting butch, I guess that Joe D of Iowa and Jimmy of Indiana let us remember that deep down inside they really are butch. Now kids, its time to kiss and make up
Don’t forget, you need to be up in time for breakfast. Or in Erika’s case still up for breakfast. I just don’t know if you will be very hungry. You look like you are having the time of your life as Miss C. Now will you be entertaining us this evening?
Well, this has been a great week. For the first time in USofA history, we had no one getting married, saying it could have been forever, no one telling us that they are not going, that they are not a girl, not yet a woman, or even toxic.
We didn’t hear about King Jesus or that his eye is on the sparrow, or even our favorite mother telling us no more wire hangers. So at the end of this monumental week we have a final night to look forward to where on never knows what to expect, only that it will be simply the best.
So until the family joins together to crown a new Miss Gay USofA at Large and my cup of tea spills again, I will leave you with these, my word for life: Be good, Play safe, and remember I am always and forever….
Yours,
Bette