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Tea with Bette D.
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Tea with Bette D.
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Greetings, Salutations and a grand USofA welcome to Big D and another edition of the Big Dance. It’s At Large week for Dallas, and everyone knows everything is bigger in Texas.
Now, for those of you who are USofA veterans, this is one more edition of the time honored tradition of innocent gossip. For those of you who are about to experience Tea for the first time, remember this is all in fun. It just may be more fun for some to read than for others.
Well kids, it is best to begin at the beginning, so here comes the dish.
First a fine welcome to my friend and fellow Information Specialist, Miss Carrie Ann Winters. It is so good to see you. Are you planning on having any late night Mexican dinners? I hope that you do decide to share, rather than keeping it all for yourself this year.
It seems as though Mia Adams has a liking for Paddington Bear. I am sure that we will see much more of the “hairy” bear throughout this week.
Now a little birdie told me that a certain Florida promoter lost part of her house in the recent Hurricanes. Not to worry, she had great help rebuilding. In fact, she was even able to help out one of the workers herself. Unfortunately, it seems her co-promoter was not so fortunate to have everything redone. She had to resort to safety pins to hold together her fur.
Next we move on to my good friend, Miss Kitty Litter, girl have you been losing weight? Those pants at rehearsal sure seemed to be saying something along those lines…. Or was that the lines, or should I say multi-colored lines on your cute undies.
Poor Billy Bones, it’s such a shame that every time we switch hotels you have to spend the money on having a new revolving door installed. Looks like we need a maintenance call to 2108. Since the revolving door has not yet been installed, Mr. Bones has had to take things into his own hands. Quite literally.
I regret to inform you that the Kalani Big Yellow School Bus has been left at home. It seems the old tourist trap just wasn’t turning enough profit anymore.
Whatever shall we do without our reigning Miss Congeniality? Come on girls, the title is up for grabs, and Justice shall be served.
Our fully functional diva, seen recently as a weather girl, or was it a scream ghoul, has her own online game show. I’ll take random ads for $400 Alex.
A special thank you goes out to the Zippers most important customer from KVW, and I quote, “My face, my face…. I can’t feel my face!”.
Kelexis has now shown us that you can’t have your cake and eat it too, it’s just there for eating. And though she would never give away the past year, she has made it known that she is somewhat looking forward to giving up the crown. It seems some contractual obligations have prevented her from being a working girl. As of Saturday, the appointment book is reopened.
A great and wonderful welcome to Onyx the new Assistant Entertainment Director. Welcome to the family girl. I bet you never knew how much fun pageant night could be.
Now Nova dear, what exactly were you doing with a drunken local yokel back in your hotel room? I thought, like myself, you were a good Christian woman… who knew!
At every pageant there seems to be someone who is a little touchy about their age. Who would have expected the beautiful, YOUNG, vivacious Danielle Hunter to be worried about her age! Don’t worry girl, if you ever start feeling old there’s always a steady hand in scrubs ready to take care of the problem.
My deepest condolences to Lou Lou. He had to come in to town a day before everyone else. I hope you were not too lonely all by yourself, all night long, alone. In fact, he got so bored, he had to work out at the gym for a while.
I guess Dena is enjoying the fact that she doesn’t have to babysit anyone right now. With that big room, all too herself, she has taken to recruiting roommates. If you would like to spend the night with a star, be sure and look her up.
Speaking of spending the night with a star, Miss Markstone is here all alone. With Mr. Markstone left behind, I guess she doesn’t find Jeffrey company enough. She was last seen trying to seduce the pageant staff. I guess she didn't even care which one. She is starting at the top and working her way down.
It’s nice to see Miss Whitney again. She is spending the week in Lesbian drag. I guess a Lesbian makes a better security guard. Girl has her whole wardrobe entered in the pageant.
Has anyone seen Miss Gay USofA lately. Somewhere around 1:30 am she was heading out to work, I mean walk the streets. I think she was on a mission. Now I must be fair and explain that she claims it was to walk home, but I can not be too sure.
This year we will be adding another new award to the pageant. Best solo acrobatics. Everyone is in the running, but so far it looks like the judges are going with the prop setter for Lexus Blair. His official scores are 9.8, 9.6, 9.9, 9.9, 9.8, 9.6, & 10.0
A special shout out to Matt from Salt Lake City. It is so good to see you here. I think you could be quite the pageant treat. And remember, What happens in Dallas, stays in Dallas. So, if you decide to stray a little, no one back home will know.
Well, for a first day, my darling children, you seem to have been quite the busy little boys. (and girls) At this rate, my column will be a full 3 pages long by the end of the week. And if I happen to stop by and check out the full baths down stairs, it could be even longer. So, till tomorrow brings us to another day of fun in the Texas sun, I remind you all to be good, play safe and remember I am always and forever…
Yours,
Bette
Greetings, Salutations and a grand USofA welcome to the last day of preliminaries. It certainly has been an interesting middle of the night. Just for the record, by reading these pages you just might discover the big news story that even the Dallas Morning News missed out on. Pay attention Kiddies.
Now, lets start off this morning’s edition with the lovely party animal from Pennsylvania. Seems he found a place to hold a private party in.
Me dearest Joey, I am so glad to see you in Dallas. You are always the life of the party. I do have a message for you. You owe me $40.00.
Danielle Hunter has made a new friend. They were hanging out in the dark corners and private rooms at JR’s. I guess she just mistook this young man for the repair man.
In order to entice program sales, Jennifer from PA is offering free handjobs with each program purchased.
Just in, Lou has put out a proposition for Joey. He can take care of you, and it will not even cost 40.00.. Just make sure you finally put out.
Bill Bones has decided that it is too hard to work for Trade. He has given up on the hedonist gay life style. Picture this, 1920 Dallas, Billy Bones riding the elevator being accompanied by the hotties of the year, Blanche, Rose, Sophia and Dorothy. Mental picture I didn’t need to have.
This year the coveted entourage hospitality award goes out to the North Carolina delegation. Seems they dolled themselves up in high drag and promenaded down Cedar Springs in an attempt to spread Southern hospitality to the studs along the street. It was hot.
If you can not find Jeffry P, she is off on the search for uncut meat. She says there is nothing more disappointing to get a gentleman caller and then find out it has been all “butchered up” down below.
Miss Whitney has been auditioning for someone to fill the role of Mr. Paige. There are currently two front runners. I think if you want to be in the number one spot, you must make sure that you do not get ill at the most in-opportune moments. Suckling at her breasts only guaranties a visit to the casting couch, not the coveted role.
Congratulations also go out to Whitney on her newest title, First Runner Up (again) to the Dallas Dart Tournament. And a special congratulations to Layla Larue for capturing the title.
Update on Earl, Mom has made it quite clear. Since he is driving her car, there are to be absolutely no fun, games or guided tours to be given in her car.
Warning! Warning! If you are out and about in the hotel after dark, be careful. Sybil A Storm is on the prowl for something hard and heavy. I hope Mr. Storm doesn’t mind sharing.
Though she is not on the judges panel, I guess Maya can’t help but think like she still wields the poison pen. I hear that the most entertaining seat in the house is right next to Maya. She is providing the most interesting running commentary.
A special welcome to Nathan who has finally arrived in Big D. He made the drive down in record time. He even managed to avoid any of ever present law enforcement officers. I guess others were not quite so lucky.
Girls, please try and remember we are at an At Large pageant. Ivana Black is afraid she is wasting away. Can someone please find her a cheeseburger. She is getting tired of trying to grab food from the hospitality buffets set up around the interview room while no one is looking.
I caught an episode of Jeopardy this afternoon. The only thing I caught was “I’ll take CAW for $1000, Alex” and Mr. Trebeck responding, “The answer is: She is eating the whole Mexican buffet” And finally the contestant’s reply: “Why have we not seen Carrie Ann Winters wandering the hotel much this evening”.
Paging Mystyk, Paging Mystyk Decepshyn. Interview has now started in the main salon. Please report some time in the next 2 ½ hours. It would be appreciated. We do so miss your company. The moral of the story, is no mid-day ski trips during the National Pageant.
Darling Kelexis, I must say the hair is looking wonderful. I hope you don’t have too much of a hairdressing bill. Your hair grows so fast. It looks like you gained a few inches in just a few hours.
As long as we are discussing Kelexis, please take a moment to let her know how great a reign she has had. She has been the epitome of a lady (most of the time) and always the true professional. Good Job, girl.
On a more serious note, on behalf of the entire USofA family I would like to extend our deepest sympathies to Baija Towers on the loss of her husband, Saturday night. You have all of our hearts and prayers.
So, until Final Night comes and we crown a new Miss Gay USofA at Large, I I remind you all to be good, play safe and remember I am always and forever…
Bette
Yours,
Greetings, Salutations and a grand USofA welcome to the Final Night of Miss Gay USofA 2004. It has been an exciting week, and one that has kept yours truly busy all week.
Now it is time to be off and running with this your final cup of Tea.
As all of you know, I am a most responsible information specialist. As such, I must correct a slight error. Apparently yesterdays tea was a little off. It was not at night that Sybill Ann Storm was out on the prowl, it was in the middle of the day.
Now while we’re on the subject of Storms, Seems she found the dish she was looking for… a big Italian dinner. As for Mr. Storm, he was more in the mood for Mexican. I do, truly wonder, if Mr. Storm happened to see CAW at the Mexican Buffet.
Meanwhile Sybill Ann has now taken up the world’s oldest profession. I can not wait to see that online ad now. Touch the breasts. It’s only 1.50 each time you touch. And for the record, each breast is fully functional!
One of my favorite jobs is when I get to announce an impending marriage. At this time it is with great pleasure that I can announce the upcoming nuptials of Lou Lou and Joey. It seems that they have already negotiated a prenuptial agreement. Terms include all summers in New Hope, winters in Florida and an Eagle for Joey. However, I do believe that he is still waiting for the ring.
I guess that lots of boys and girls are all in the mood to couple up. As of 12:00 am, Miss Paige has finally filled the role she’s been trying to cast. Jordan, congrats to you...and to the victor the spoils. Now my real question is…What exactly were you doing Wednesday night-Thursday morning when Whitney got the emergency page from Layla. And could you hold the position the whole time that Whitney was gone.
It was quite lovely to see Whitney having such a good time with the new beau. While at about 6:00 am it was also nice to see the new beau having such a good time. My only question is why were the newlyweds having separate honeymoons. Inquiring minds want to know.
I must regret, I have not mentioned a good friend of mine who has been here with us all week. Hot Wendy Williams, we’re glad to see ya gal. Thanks for all your support this week. Has your phone been ringing off the hook, or has Dena taken all the business. I think her $5.00 all you can eat buffet has been quite popular.
I guess that Dena is going to have to mellow out, now that her roommate has appeared. But have no fear, they will be serving up a fresh cup of Kofi to anyone that needs it.
Seems like Sheldon has a new secret admirer. He doesn’t know exactly who it is, but she has been advised to currently consider conversion to Mormanism.
Can anyone help poor Natedog out. He was seen wandering the hotel alone looking for a transy. I don’t even know if he cares which transy, but I think he is in the mood for fun.
Now, of special note to all you sinners out there. The pool does reopen at 4:30 am. Or at other times by request at the front desk. Natedog is hoping for some company in the hot tub tonite,
A special shout out to Victoria Le Paige. I guess she is the only AL titleholder here that has not made the Tea. So I guess you are no longer a Tea Virgin.
Maya has been quite busy this week. I believe she has laid claim to Matt.
Now, I am certainly not one to gossip, but I have it on good authority that she has made it quite clear that if anyone gets to, she is going to teach Matt the ways of the Transy. I have also heard some quite vicious whispers that if anyone lays a finger on the cheerleader from Utah, they will have to deal with Miss Douglas’s methods—that would hurt more than a sharp kick to the groin.
Just a quick public service announcement...tonight, they will have pictures of everyone in each category available in the dressing room. You will even be able to get Final Night pics at the end of each category.
Now back to your regularly scheduled column.
Long time friend of the family, Miss Connie Jo has flown in from Florida. It is so good to see another Christian Working Woman in the house. (sorry girls, that’s not what I meant by Working Women)
Now Miss Connie may not have been here all week, but she has found the time to teach the baby Transy just how to have fun after the bar, on pageant nights. Take her out of the oven, Miss Aurora is now fully baked.
While we are talking bout Miss C, I do hope that all is well with your birth family. I hope that none of your relatives have had to have an emergency funeral, emergency surgery, or other work related excuses.
I have had a great time, and I have really enjoyed my time with all of you. I can not wait until May and we celebrate the 20th anniversary of our system.
At the same time, we will be crowning the third Miss Gay USofA Classic and then a full week of Miss Gay USofA pageantry. And most exciting off all, when next we gather, there will not be the sounds of hammers banging, drills spinning and dust clouds settling. We will proudly be presenting Miss Gay USofA and Miss Gay USofA Classic on the brand new main floor of Station 4. So, until we meet again, I urge you all to be good, play safe and remember I am always and forever…
Yours,
Bette