Tea with Bette D
Monday
Greetings, Salutations, and grand Dallas welcome to the second day of the Miss
Gay USofA Pageant. I would like to personally welcome you all back to the Big D
once again If you have a desire to know what really happens at a National
Pageant, this is the place to read. Just remember, it is all in good clean fun.
Where to
start off, but by bringing everyone up to date since my last writings. Our
reigning Miss Congeniality, Justice Counce, just wanted to let everyone
know that she is making an offer to anyone: If you have anything that is
valuable but do not have room to store it in your closet, she will do it for
you—free of charge. Gowns, hair, or most especially backup dancers.
Next we
find ourselves drawn to the symbol of excellence in the USofA system. Miss
Erika Norell has been a lovely titleholder all year long. And for those of
you who are mathematically challenged, Erika offers this math hint: What does 1
+ 1 + 1 equal? Why 832 of course. And by coincidence that happens to be her
quite number. Who Knew?
The
pageant may just be starting, but it appears that there is a problem with the
plumbing in some rooms. I say this only because some rather hot studs were last
seen trying to find somewhere to take a BATH the other night. Miss Ricky
from the dressing room is having a wonderful time his year. She is very
attracted to . One of Victoria Lace’s dancers. Oops a correction is
needed that would be any backup dancer, dresser, contestant or person of the
male persuasion. Or for that matter anyone as long as they can not run faster
than she can. Speaking of Justice, does anyone know the identity of the poor
man Justice took advantage of on her way down here?
It
appears that a lot of contestants have gone out of there way to bring many
dancers with them. But as luck would have it, Texas a weird law that does not
let you use someone else’s ID as your own. Now, I would love to tattle on any
of these boys, but since finding their real name is rather difficult I can only
offer this hint. One has been known to be called Drew at times. Seems he got
ready to come to Dallas by having a make over. Kudo’s to the artist, because
now he looks nothing like the boys pictured on the various ID’s
Kofi
would like to let all the boys know that she is offering a free cup of
wake-me-up each morning. And to ensure a timely delivery, she will even spend
the whole night with you.
A special
award will be given out this week to Christina Ross’s dancer in the red shorts.
He is well endowed, in fact more well endowed than the shorts were designed to
hold. The hint for the day is do not fluff before performing.
Vanessa
deMornet is here on her first big trip to Dallas, but she has learned quickly.
She is one half of a lesbian affair already. If her first 24 hours in Dallas
was that successful, I will need a scorecard to keep track of all of her fun/
Speaking
of love, the big man on campus is quite in love. And with a married man at
that. He will be taking him, his wife, and their kids on a lovely vacation
soon. Sounds like one big happy family. Congrats bossman.
The
puzzle for this week is to identify the model in the lovely promo shot that is
quite popular on the 8th floor. It is a great shot, shows lots of stuff, but
for some reason is missing the head. I wonder if Kimbol P will be of assistance
in identifying the mystery man. And I do mean MAN.
For those
of you that have never met Pat M, you are in for a real treat. This traveling
lover of all things drag is quite the partier. She was last seen wondering the
lobby looking for a party. Seems that her lovely pair of two dogs were lonely
and looking for friends. While she is searching, she is also on the lookout for
a “doctor”. I guess she has a few (very few I might add) wrinkles that are
looking for a smoothing out treatment.
It seems
that Pleasura Mann has been trying to live up to her name. It has been reported
that she is ready, willing, and able to prove it to anyone who asks. I wonder
if the hinges to her room door will need oiling this week.
For those
that are concerned the official USofA welcome wagon will be here soon. Little
Cliffy promises that he will be here by Tuesday to help make everyone feel
welcome here at Miss Gay USofA.
Well,
till tomorrow morning brings us one day closer to a new Miss Gay USofA ,and
hopefully a warmer temperature, remember to be good, play safe, Iand remember I
am always and forever…
Yours,
Bette
Tuesday
Greetings, Salutations and a grand (but not the Dallas Grand Hotel) welcome to
Tuesday at Miss USofA. The weather has been nice, but not too hot, while the
tea is definitely starting to warm up.
Where
better to start, but with Miss Norell again. She has been quite the math
teacher this week. Her current mission is to prove that 1 +1 + 1 +1 is equal to
...fun. But have no fear, she made it quite clear that she is still in love
with Ralph and his incredible endowment. I have the suspicion that by the
end of the week, there will be enough people in her room to make a basketball
team.
Not to be
outdone, Miss Ricky has been busy. When finally released from dressing
room duty, he headed out to Whattaburger. As hungry as he was, he ended up with
a serving of Watta-cock from a cute little Watta-Mexican. You go girl.
Enquiring minds want to know, did this boy just not run fast enough?
If you
are not happy with your talent number, Shae Shae has a new one you can
try. After the show last night, she could be seen vamping up and down Cedar
Springs doing her illusion of a cheap hooker, I am sorry she informed me that
she is a professional, and only does her work during the day.
Here is a
puzzle for you, the gentle reader. What happens when you add together a New
York Dancer along with A former Mr. USA and add in a dash of darkness. You get
a roommate kicked out of his room. Kudos to Mr. T for his excellent
sportsmanship during this ordeal.
On a
similar note, poor Kimbol Purkerson woke up at 6:30 am. Seems he has a
morning ritual of taking his dog out. At least that is what we are left to
assume, but the strange stories about trying to put a collar on Ron and
bringing him out to the atrium are just rumors
Billy
Billy
Billy. For those of you that have not yet met him, he is one of the group from
Cape Girardeau. Last year, Billy was quite the sinner. This year, he wants
everyone to believe that he is a good Christian woman. To that end, he wants to
clarify that he was not laid up with trade he found on the street this morning.
He clarified that this “lucky” Christian was actually picked up in the hotel
bathroom.
Well on
her way to being Miss Congeniality once again, Justice Counce has been a
true lady all week. She swears it was not her fault she was forced to ride that
nice young man at Village last night. Really she would never have mounted him
like that if she had a choice.
For those
of you who are so inclined, rumor has it that there is a diaper changing
facility being installed somewhere on the 8th floor. If you find it, Baby
C.J, you might hit paydirt.
A special
thank you goes out to the wonderful Pepsi delivery person. It is so nice to see
a company put such an effort on customer service.
Last
year, the Dixie Chicks were offering up their alarm clock as useless.
This year the girls may not be here (rumor has it they are doing drag on a tree
stump once again) but a replacement clan has been found. Seems that Woo & Pat
the girls in 728, have no need for an alarm clock either. You don't need one
when you never leave the bed at all.
For those
in the know, I would venture to guess that Dallas has a third bathhouse these
days. Now innocent flower that I am, I do not know exactly what happens there,
but I would venture to guess that the hotel health club can be considered one
now. I made an innocent walk through and the sinning was aplenty. Judging from
the positions of the shadows in the sauna, there was more than just exercise
going on in there.
WooHoo,
Cliffy is here. Now Dallas can officially roll out the red carpet. The
Welcome Wagon has arrived. If you don’t know Cliff, get to. Many others
already have.
As
tonight’s issue goes to press, I can not help but wonder where poor Sheldon
is. He has been among the missing this evening. Rumor has it that he was being
quite friendly with a certain male stripper from the 90’s in Minneapolis.
Veteran
readers of this column know that by know we should be reporting on the exploits
of the MC with the Mostest, Dena Cass. She also has been behaving. No
stories about her after hours hotel escapades here. But If we were to relate
any stories I am quite sure they would involve Stacey Holliday as well.
If they had been up to no good, I am sure the stories would involve late nights
at Mexican Bars, Oral Sex, and then teachers that had to call in sick from
work. But since there are no “stories” here, you will have to imagine what
these diva’s have been up to at night.
For the
record, I believe that poor Miss Kitti is a little hungry. She has been
searching for some arm candy all week. (that is not to be confused with any
other type of candy) She is willing to rent or purchase her next snack.
While on
the subject of pay for play, Flava has been busy this week. She was last
seen in the shower, not to be confused with the bath, with a gentleman caller.
Honey, if you want to be a success, you have to remember not to give away too
much.
I know to
many, my identity is a mystery, so I will let you all know that I will be
onstage tonight in one of the talent numbers. If you do not know me, I am not
hard to miss; if you know where to look.
I have
been here at Miss Gay USofA for every pageant since the start. And I always
wear a badge and my crown. Well unless Ralph has put my crown on.
Well
kiddies, until the sunrise brings us all a day off, be good, play safe and
remember I am always and forever…
Yours,
Bette
Wednesday
Greetings, Salutations and a grand hungover welcome to the last day of
preliminaries. The competition is starting to heat up, and so is the nastyness
that is abounding at the Radisson.
With that
in mind, lets get this started. Hating to disappoint Erika, but the USofA Math
Department has a new head teacher. Today’s assignment is
1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1. If you can find the correct answer, stop by the
pageant office and tell us the results. Now I am not one to gossip, but the
Missouri clan was quite popular last night.
I would
like to take the time to say a special “Welcome to Dallas” to Louie Spitrini
from Atlanta. We are so glad that Cliffy made it to Dallas before Louie so he
could fulfil his role as the Official Usofa Welcome Wagon.
Well,
Bitch had a fantastic party last night. The guestlist was very creative.
Something from all walks of life. Among the invited, a certain well plucked
former cross-dresser, a rather unique stripper, Osama Bin Ladin in a new dress,
and what party would be complete without the hired help—a budget priced cook.
This motley crew was seen still playing gabfest long after the cocks crow.
Now that
I have your curiosity up, it’s time to move on to the gory details. The quote
of the day to come from here would have to be, “There is nothing like some gray
pubic hair.” Those are mighty poetic words for a self proclaimed chicken hawk
to utter. Well, I think the well done hawk certainly must have approved of the
terrorists work at finally exposing all of the cross-dressers equipment. Nuff
Said. Anything else and I am sure the Information Police would be all over me.
On to
other fun topics, seems that one of our judges, ( Dina, I wont use your
name) has finally reached her expiration date.
Meanwhile, she may have only been in town for a few hours, but it seems that
Crash has had a busy day. Party after Party, and then some. It is good to
know that Jeff has fully recovered and all of his equipment is fully functional
Aurora
Stone is in need of some assistance. She seems to be having a slight problem
keeping track of her husbands. It was a little sticky when husband #2 met
husband #3. If your gonna juggle, make sure you don't drop the balls.
Sasha
Sasha Sasha. Not only does she know how to spill tea, she knows how to make
it. But remember, just because you submit gossip to me, you may still get your
name in print. Especially when you leave competition with a boy, to return a
little “flustered” an hour later.
I would
like to send a special hello to all our website viewers. Thanks for clicking
in.
Okay all
you want to be a girl, boys. Now on sale in the hotel pool area is Leslie
Ryan's Do It Yourself breast implants. I am sure shrewd business person, Dena
Cass will follow up with the do it yourself Lypo kit.
I must
say a special thank you to the lovely boys that brought Natasha in just for the
pool party. She looked great, and of course we all knew it was Natasha from her
always open lips.
Meanwhile, back at drag camp Mystyk has been sweet and opening up the doors to
her teepee for the lonely dancer she has been entertaining this week. Now if
only she could remember his name. That seems to be a problem this week. I
understand the final step of trade is to introduce yourself. Hot Quote “HI, my
name is Louie, what’s was yours again?”
This
weeks top quote thus far comes from a previous contestant, auto accident victim
and the new Miss Club Dallas, who states ”At least I won’t be the only one with
a cracked face on Friday!”
For those
of you interested in learning how to speak Hawaiian, it seems that Miss Jacobs
will give you lessons or whatever else you would like, and she’ll even pay you
to let her watch.
It seems
as though Miss Pleasura has had a great pageant experience thus far. She’s gone
from tossin cookies in the cab, to approaching strangers with the salutation of
“Wanna Fuck?”
Now back
to the antics of the Cape Girardeau clan. It seems that they travel a long way
to have hometown trade. Now Trevor, I mean “Quiver”, isn’t that one costly
piece?
And now
it seems that we have Cape boys that are needing rooms in another hotel just for
entertaining. I guess that is the best way to keep husband no.3 from finding
husband no. 6.
Unibrow,
I mean Drew has been quite friendly with the Cape boys. And I mean all of the
Cape boys. He has moved from one to the next. If you would like to keep track
we have scorecards, I mean Cape Girardeau phonebooks to check off the names.
Since he
had a makeover before coming here, he should have gone on and gotten the rest
trimmed. I hear it’s a little bushy down there still.
For those
of you that have not yet Flava, you should. He has been seen spotted
orchestrating some rather strange get togethers lately. Often heard are lines
like “You do that to him” and “put your hand on his…” and of course I am in
charge here, I will tell you all what to do”.
All in
all, I think that last night was a very creative one for everyone in the USofA
Family, The stories that developed last night are just starting to see the
light of day. I am sure we will have more updates tomorrow. Just remember I
have information specialist hiding all over this hotel just waiting to overhear
that little secret.
Now by
now Miss Erika is probably thinking that she and the little clan from 832 has
escaped being mention in the newsletter. Not so. They have been behaving ever so
cutely all day last night. Of course, there was that moment they were seen in a
bed in the Melrose Hotel with 4 others. HMMMM.
Till
tomorrow brings us to the Final Night of Miss Gay USofA, Be good, Play safe, and
remember I am always and forever…
Yours,
Bette
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