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Tea with Bette D.
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Tea with Bette D.
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Greetings, Salutations, and a Grand Dallas welcome to Miss USofA at Large 2003, and our first issue of the USofA Today newsletter.
First and foremost I would like to congratulate my drag mother, the one and only, Alicia Markstone on a great year and on fulfilling your dreams.. Who would have thought almost 20 years ago, in southern Illinois, that you would be where you are now.. You can be sure that I am looking down with pride. Alicia, just remember, Enjoy your “One Moment in Time” and that “You were Loved”.
Now on to this year’s exciting pageant. First a word of warning, I tend to write about all things that are on the tips of everyone’s tongues, but it is all in fun. This is just a little innocent gossip to keep you filled in if you happen to turn in early. And remember, I have spies everywhere.
Now where to begin on our daily dose of all the news that’s fit to print (and a few stories that are not quite ready). I noticed that lots of people showed up early for the festivities, making Monday a fun day in Dallas.
We all know that this year we have a fantastic program book. Lou has been wheeling and dealing for months making sure that it would be filled with many pages. I just want to know what he had to trade to get some of those ads.
As the online community is gathering here in Dallas, I want to send a big shout out to everyone from CarrieFairfield.com. Kids, you are always welcome at USofA. Special inquiry, will world famous Lex be here to entertain the 3 floor elevator lobby this week.
I hope all the fans of Trading Spaces made it out to JR’s for the little meet and greet with Ty.
If you are looking for Dena, you can find her in the mobile trailer park out front of the hotel. Now I know them queens can pack a lot, but I think the record has now been broken. She brought her own house. If rigged up right, this place easily becomes “trailer at large”.
Miss Nykeshia was doing a fabulous job welcoming everyone to the hotel lobby. Now I am not one to repeat malicious gossip, but I did over hear her telling one of my coworkers, that even though the ring doesn't plug a hole, her husband sure does. She assures us she will be quite the church lady this week, but I don't know if I believe that one.
Erika may be busy being Miss Continental, but we have a new substitute teacher for USofA Math Class. Our new teacher has taught us that when counting there is no SEVEN in 818. At least not anymore.
A direct quote from our fearlous leader” I am so, not in the mood for sex, But…” I do not know what this sudden change means, maybe its male menopause.
While writing this educational material I overheard our stage manger explaining that “Glow In The Dark” condoms are a real thrill. He told us the instructions “Expose to light for 30 seconds then Rise and Shine” Now he wants to start a nightly bed check. Picture this, Sheldon wandering the halls, opening doors. Are you naked yet? How bout in this room?
I know this Tea is short and sweet, but I am a busy career woman. I need help to keep my stories flowing, so if you witness, hear about, or just plain want to tattle on your friends, slip a note under the door of room 816 and it might just end up in print. Remember, if you keep the tea flowing on everyone else, then there's no room for the misdeeds of your own doing. Till the sun rises on another fun filled day in Dallas and the festivities descend upon you, be good, play safe, and remember I am always and forever...
Yours,
Bette
Greetings, Salutations, and a Grand hump day welcome to another Wacky Wednesday in Dallas.
Lets begin with a correction, seems there is Seven in 818. Well there is only a little seven (of the Seagram’s variety that is) left.
Kitty Daniels loves these At Large gatherings. Then she knows she is not the only one that he has to wear mirrors on his toes so he can see what to clean in the shower.
Last night we kicked off our Pageant with a bang. Dena and Kofi back together…who knows what the rest of this week might bring. Now, onto what you’re all wanting…the gossip.
Now onto some of our local friends. Our favorite little bartender Bobbie has been reborn under the alias of Robert. But be forewarned that if you call her that, you may be in for a rather painful experience.
Poor Chanel, can someone give her some training on how to put on underwear. Seems that she is quite the expert at taking them off, but getting them on can be a bit of problem for her. And no, it is not because she doesn’t wear boy underwear.
Seeing as how we are at a big girl pageant, it is common for people to be rather hungry while waiting in the dressing room. With true Texas hospitality, our very own Kelexis Davenport was volunteering to feed the pageant staff…or at least was trying to be the burger between two sets of staff buns.
I would like to offer my fondest condolences, I mean congratulations, to the newly crowned Miss Gay Na-Chanel (Na’ Shen Al), Dena. She entered the “Competition” and had the largest amount of unused airplane tickets, so she has been appointed and duly crowned. She promises that she will share the title with anyone who can show their receipts for unused airfare to Nashville dated November 7th thru 9th.
Justice Paige Counce has yet again graced Dallas with her presence, or is that presents. Some girls just don’t understand that if you’re not a contestant in the current competition, you cannot steal the congeniality prize.
Speaking of girls not competing, it’s nice to see that Wendy’s mom can keep her up to date even when she’s out of town as to when her bills are coming due. Looks like my dear sister needs to make a ducky or two. Registrations over…so ring phone ring!
Our fearless leader. Lou has apparently decided that yesterdays published quote needed to be put to rest. It seems as though instead of sex, he’d rather dance. Thank goodness Earl brought him a dance partner.
Speaking of Kalani, we are so proud to have him back again. Though he has updated his equipment for the capabilities of DVD, he has not lost sight of his previous civic duties. It seems as though private tours of his truck are still available upon request…but act quickly, his card is filling up fast.
Now, he may be a National Promoter, but what are Jerry’s qualifications to hold this esteemed position. Seems that he is also an expert lip sync artist as was demonstrated last night at his table. He was spied dancing and singing in his seat along with some fabulous Tina Turner music.
The dressing room has been quite a lively place this week. Seems that Nathan has been quite popular. Now when he says that he is bisexual, that means that he likes boys and girls. Vanessa and Strawberry don’t seem to understand that when he means girls, he means girls that do not have any extra treats in their panties.
A special greeting goes out to USofA’s newest internet correspondent. CariAnne Winters has been doing a great job giving her take on the pageant and posting it to the USofA extended coverage site. For those of you that do not know Carrie, she is one of the founders of CarrieFairfield.com and the owner of one the most contested domain names on the whole internet.
Speaking of CariAnne, it has been quite interesting seeing all the new nasty little habits she seems to have picked up. He seems to have turned into quite the party animal. Go Kevin! By the way, just who was the twelve year old that appeared to be your date for the evening during talent? Now, if you have a date at your side, why would you need to disappear to the Village bathrooms to violate the Texas State moral codes?
This just in, after inquiring…it seems as though my eye for age is a little off. 16, 12, what’s the difference...hair?
Chocolate Thunderpussy has been in a great mood today, she may have had a few problems getting here, but she has kept her spirits up. Seems she redeemed her travel experience with the “free” cab ride to her talent rehearsal. Well, it was not quite free, she had to give up something.
Dorae Saunders has put in a request, and next year’s pageant will be proudly sponsored by Rand McNally Road Atlas and MapQuest.com. Maybe she can be a special employee for them in designing new routes to Dallas.
Martina Dezerea’ never ceases to bring with her a fabulous entourage. Last November, she brought enough love to be spread amongst all of the staff. Though we’ve moved across the country, she has still provided fun for all. A special howdy and hello to my newest “friend” Jerry. We shall see just what this week might bring for you. Looks as though the West Virginia crew likes being here, but is sad to be in a warmer climate where the snow is not as plentiful.
For those of you good Christian ladies like myself, if you find yourself missing your regularly scheduled sermons, it seems you can rest at ease. Mia Inez Adams was spotted in the main lobby preaching to those who would listen, as well as passers by. Anyone needing assistance deciding which gown to wear for which judge, or as well what shoes to put with it should contact Miss Adams. Not only can she preach, but she likes to take time on the side to educate white girls.
Newsflash!!! We have a CAW update. Kevin is a Wal-Mart efficianoto. However, it seems like he prefers to do his shopping in the middle of the night. Well I guess if Matt and Shawn desire something in the middle of the night, who is Kevin not to oblige. We all know what Kevin desires, but which one of them will oblige.
It was lovely to see those other promoters from Florida. The Party of the Night Award goes to Paul and Everette for their private soire on the balcony of Village Station. For those of you that didn’t attend, the video of this event will be playing shortly on a local cable access channel. Now, why is it that neither of you can remember exactly how it was you fell in love? This much I know, it must have involved large amounts of alcohol. I am quite sure, however that Michael Markstone does not belong in the middle of it.
Don’t forget tomorrow is “conquer the box” night at Village, and I know for a fact I have the most fabulous box in town.
It has been an active night, and I have been all too busy with my trusty reporter’s notebook. It is now time for me to get my beauty sleep, and so I shall leave you with the words of wisdom, “To good times and good friends, may you never be without them” and may you always be good, play safe, and remember I am always and forever...
Yours,
Bette
Greetings, Salutations, and a Grand USofA welcome to the final day of preliminaries to Miss Gay USofA at Large 2003. The weather has been cool but the entertainment has been HOT!!! Wasn’t it great to see Victoria LePaige on stage for the Stars Show. Welcome back sis.
Now for the first order of business. There have been many people trying to figure out my identity. I am offering up a reward of 50.00 cold hard cash for a boy photo of me at this year’s pageant. No fair bringing a picture of me from past pageants. This should keep the camera’s clicking.
Now I bet you are all waiting for your daily cup of tea. So here we go. We can start it all off with the internet users group gathering in the suite for their annual get together. Now I have been sworn to secrecy on most topics, but here goes with what I can reveal....Seems like the owner of the most contested domain name in drag cyberspace wants to start forward all of his clicks to that popular website www.HotWendyWilliams.com might make for some interesting experiences for followers of that other system.
Miss Congeniality was quite the hostess, as she camped out in interview central. I think she misses the competition. I hear she has been hitting all the buffets in town trying to get up to the 225 weight limit in time to compete this year
Has any one seen our Fearless Leader Lou, I know he was at the Round-Up and then he disappeared. Rumour has it he was headed to Pennsylvania, or was it a Pennsylvanian’s room. Inquiring minds want to know. So much for not feeling like having sex.
Newsflash for those of you that have seen the lovely pic of Kitty Daniels in drag online, I don’t want to burst your bubbles, but that pic is 31 years old. That is older than most of the boys here. I think it is time for Kitty to update the photo album.
Now speaking of ages, It seems that Sean (incorrectly reported as Shawn yesterday) is not 12, he had his birthday recently and is a whole 13 years old.
Now, I will try to keep this to a minimum, cuz Sean could probably fill a few pages of this newsletter, but here goes with all the Sean dirt……
If you see him wandering the hallways, please disregard the black circles under his eyes and the slurred speech, he had a rough ride last night and a long walk back from Village Station. Here is a number for him to remember 1-800-greyhound...See you in Tampa.
It gets even better than that. While wandering aimlesslessly around village station and passing by Consuela and Miss Norell things got mathmagical. CAW performed some subtractions and Erika performed her famous addition. That is all I can report, check for details later…
Since we brought up Connie, I have to ask, “Did you get your medication last night?” No, I did not mean from her street corner pharmacist, I was talking about the suppository type. Don’t ask.
Sheldon, the stage manager has been busy. Seems he made a new friend in Dallas. Not that this is anything new for Sheldon, but this one is a cowboy. Well, maybe not a cowboy, but he works in the cowboy bar when he is not busy stalking his latest. You go girl. What about the little boy you made friends with, Can you manage to keep up with both of them and the husband at home? Oh wait, you have only had him for a week, Its far to early to call him a husband much less make plans to move south and adopt kids, right.
Know I know that this is a big girl pageant, and we all like to eat, but why is it that every story I hear at some point mentions the person that is trying to organize a sexual sandwich. I know that the trend became popular when Erika gave up the crown, but lets be original kids. And that is a quote from the starter of the trend.
I have heard a report of strangely dressed hookers walking up and down Cedar Springs in Zebra skin top hats and dresses with trains. Seems that Miss Maya and Miss Whitney were quite the traffic stoppers as they played drag around the neighborhood last night.
It was quite nice to see Raquell in such a wonderful mood last night at the Roundup She showed all of us backstage what a talented athlete she is. I think those were supposed to be pushups when she was down on her hands and knees and going up and down while in the dressing room. (and I must add also she was buck nekid at the time.
If anyone can tell me where poor Natedog is, please let us know. He has been missing since he was spotted running down the hall at full speed as Kofi was chasing after him yelling “come back come back Nathan” I guess he didn’t want his after dinner cup.
I hear that Ron T should be in town tonight. I don't know if it will be quite as eventful trip for him, since his partner in crime, Kimboll, wont be here. Or maybe that means he will be getting into even more trouble. We do know he was sending obscene text messages last night.
Now last night we mentioned that Wendy was waiting for her phone to ring, Well it has...only its trade, not the kind that she wants, so now we will be more specific, Ring Ring, but have money please.
Now for an update on Miss CarriAnne Winters. She has graciously corrected us on the spelling of her name. I guess that when she is as popular as she is now, it pays to spell in correctly. I do know that the new CAW is proud that her life revolves around Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll, (okay skip the Rock and Roll), okay, maybe just the SEX. I do know that she was seen still working the hotel lobby at 3:30. I guess the next feature at CF.com is going to be personal ads.
It was good to see the promoters from Show Me States arrived, I know that one was at the Roundup but the other didn't attend the festivities. I guess that is what happens when you date a child.
Jerry from West Virginia was quite desperate to find Mystyk last night. Now how do I know, cuz he kept calling to give his room number until the wee hours of the morning. I hope he finally go w hat he wanted.
I guess it was quite exciting last night on the fourth floor, as hotel security was called to escort some party goers from the property.
Now I know that Earl has been trying to be discrete. However, we do know that his scorecard is at least 2. Now does that count CoCo? Meanwhile, his friend Bernie seems to have been practicing his math. Today’s math lesson, Jeff * Jeff = FUN
Quote for the Day: “I don't mind a little cheese” Now who could that be that made the quote, none other than little miss corrupted flower CarriAnne Winters. Boy her name is in print a lot this year.
Finally a belated Happy Birthday to Chanel. I hope all your birthday dreams come true. (especially the one about having dancers)
This week has started with a band, and keeps getting better, There is no telling how much fun we will all have. Till tomorrow finds us enjoying the final night of this exciting week I want to remind you allays be good, play safe, and remember I am always and forever...
Yours,
Bette
Greetings, Salutations, and a Grand USofA welcome to the the Big Day of Miss Gay USofA at Large Pageant
It has been a fun and exciting day here in Dallas and there is so much to talk about I don’t know where to begin. Well, what could be a better place that with that glorious shining star, Miss Erika Norell. Erika has tried to be a good girl, You know she has to, Ralphie is has arrived in town. And we all know that math lessons are sooooo last year. The only thing we can say about the Latin goddess, we all saw her perched in the front row all night. Well, if she sat anyplace else, no one could see her hot shoes. Gotta show them off.
Since we are on the subject of Florida residents, we must bring up the traffic stopping tranzie from Tampa, Miss Connie. Seems that she had a slight accident while hitting the Dallas streets. It must have been such a sight to see that “hooker” in daisy dukes and a “sugar” shirt at noon time in full face.
Now Connie is not to be confused with Rodney, her alter ego. Rodney is a nice boyfriend to that almost virgin Jerry. Now despite all of Connie’s best tries, I think his status has not changed.
Imagine this, we have more to the story. For those of you that have been keeping up on my tales, you must know that CarriAnne has to be one of my best information specialists, however, he is among the missing.
He was last seen leaving a hotel room on the 3rd floor. However, I am not sure exactly how many people were in the room, or in the bed for that matter. Only a few people know answer to that, and they don’t seem to be spilling quite yet. Could it be that they are in some manner guilty. Only time will tell.
Now as we all know, Kevin has been quite the star of the column all week. In order to keep up the tradition we are including a do it your self kit. Please feel free to fill in the blanks with all of the CAW tea that you know.
I hear that the favorite drink this weekend has been Tea. And I don’t mean my tea. However, if you are looking for a real nice variety, be sure to check out Alexander Graham’s Tea shop. He even has a great chamomile.
Now we all know that cheese has be quite the desired item this week, however, Miss Kitty warns us that she has been a little bound up due to all the cheese she has had this week.
I must point out that the big yellow school bus has been quite busy tonight as well. Seems that Earl has been doing his civic duty and helping to pick up the kindergarteners along Cedar Springs. I just can not imagine what school lets out at 2:00 a.m.
I would like to send a friendly reminder to the lovely young man that tried to enter the club tonight. Village Station is an 18 and over club, so you didn’t need to use that horrible, pathetic, fake ID. But boys and girls it gets better, when he returned with his “real” ID it was not much better. I think it is time for the contestants to make sure the name on the ID actually matches the name of the bearer. Keep in mind that you will not be doing whatever it is that you think you are doing for either contestant if you can’t get in the club. Hey even the contestant that you say you need to help denies know you. All I can say is Give It Up.
A special USofA salute to the winner of the lightweight wrestling champion Miss Bobby. She got a little butch throwing that big tough woman to the floor in a flying tackle. We know you have been looking like trade, but we never dreamed you were so athletic. Two Snaps up to you. Can not wait for the video,
We have to take time out to give a special thank you to all of the contestants this week, You guys have been fantastic and Nate could not be any prouder of you. Great job in the dressing room. Everyone has been where they needed to be when they needed to be.
While we are giving kudos, a special thanks goes out to the Awesome MC’s Dena and Kofi have been fantastic and kept us entertained all week. Hip Hip Horay
This just in, Lou did not have sex last night, he chickened out. Just up and disappeared. He has a new plan now, he is just gonna play hard to get. It seems to be working well for him. He had his play toy from Tuesday all excited.
A special hello to Sheldon, and I assume Jerry, since he has become Sheldon’s shadow. The poor boy doesn’t say much, but he loves to perch and observe. We give it 6 weeks and the hormones start. I think we have a star in the making.
Everett seemed to be quite the royal one last night at the Village. We found out he even has aspirations of ruling the land. Can you picture him as Miss Gay USofA. We know he has the queening down pat, now we just need to work on the drag part. I think the bug has bitten.
I hear it from a very reliable source, if you are in the mood for some adult entertainment, check out the Third bookstore down the road. Now I do advise checking out who may be on the otherside of the glory hole, You just may find Michelle there. But hey it said it was fun.
Well kids, it has been another fun week of drag camp and like all good things it must come to an end. I do want to say a great big thanks to you loyal readers, remember with out you, we would just be another system, and not the family we have become. Now I know like all families, there are a few uncles and aunts we would like to lock in the attic, but all in all, it’s a pretty good family.
The next time I will be writing will be at the First Annual Miss Gay USofA Classic Pageant. This promises to be one of the most exciting weekends in pageantry ever. I hope you will all join us in St. Louis February 19-22. Tina Devore has done an excellent job representing the title so far, so lets all show up there. Till then, as always, I would like to leave you with this wish, may you be good, play safe, and remember I am always and forever...
Yours,
Bette